Write a letter you can't send

Cyand

¡Ándale! ¡Ándale!
dear r,
you wanna know what really fucking annoys me whenever it crosses my mind?
how much control i allowed you to have over my life, even when you made the decision to leave.
i didn't listen to a handful of my favourite songs because you associated them with yourself,
and so they made me think of us whenever i listened to them.
i stopped going out, i stopped socialising, i cut my dearest fucking friends off for your toxic ass.
and every other week i tell myself ''oh we're getting over it'' but for the first time since we broke up,
i think i've come to the realisation that you're my version of the relationship that parents tell their kids about as an example
of what to look out for, something in their life that impacted them so drastically that it changed who they were.
you changed me, and maybe it was for the good?
i'm less toxic myself now, i don't hate myself as much as i did, i don't take things out on myself anymore.
i don't use other people as my outlet because i realised that shit happens and there's nothing,
physically nothing i can do about it.
i'd say i hate you, but deep down i don't,
i can't bring myself to truly hate you because there will always be apart that wants you back.
you became my safe space for a good part of a year, and habits are hard to escape,
even toxic ones.
i hate going on Tiktok because you loved it, you made me watch it and so i did,
now that reminds me of you.
i might laugh at it and have fun with my friends around it but i associate it with you so it isn't a positive experience for me.
i wish we never existed.
i wish i had declined the offer to talk to you,
i wish i had never questioned who you were,
i wish i never carried on the conversation after your straightforward ''im looking for a relationship'' bullshit.
i hate myself for trapping myself in this spiral,
but at least i've accepted its a life lesson.
 
a
huh i think im just sad n stuff, i can't say good things and im sorry for that. im sorry for hurting you, im sorry because im not strong enough, im sorry for all; i just want to disappear and to know that you're happy, and loved by a person who isn't dumb like me. and for the last words i want to say that i love you and im sorry again~
 

Rintea

EN Sentinel & Fashion Squad Director
Sentinel
Fashion Squad
m, irl
ima fight for us 'til the very end. ♥
 

Cyand

¡Ándale! ¡Ándale!
dear _,
i think feelings are beginning to develop and to be perfectly honest,
i'm not ready for that.​
 

Tama

Cheesus
dear __,

honestly, remembering all the shit you did to me, i'm glad i got revenge because if i didn't it wouldn't sit well with me. I hate you but I also pity you, you are the definition of a snake and also a fake person, one day everyone will see your true colors.
 

Rintea

EN Sentinel & Fashion Squad Director
Sentinel
Fashion Squad
_, irl
i wish that you would love me more.
 

Kiyoharu

Kikoo Mouse *-*
dear x,

i hate it. i hate feeling so fucking insecure and ugly. i fucking hate all of it. i will never be beautiful, and it's so hard to accept. i dont deserve anything. not affection, love, nothing. i wish i could sleep 24/7. probably what i'm going to do now. who gives a shit. i surely dont.
 

Cyand

¡Ándale! ¡Ándale!
dear _,
make this easier
i just want to be yours and i want you to be mine​
 
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Kumoh

EN Sentinel, MapCrew Dir. FunCorp & Fashion Squad
Sentinel
Map Crew
FunCorp
Fashion Squad
Dear x,
I can never come to hate you because that’s just not who I am...
 

Cyand

¡Ándale! ¡Ándale!
dear _,
i'm so fucking stupid
i should've left it
i'm so mad at myself
i'd ask why am i putting myself through this hurt
but it's to avoid the rejection
man i wanna cry
stop giving me advice on how to tell you and notice that it's you
you make me feel so warm and it makes me so fucking sad​
 
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Bullies

Pingless
Dear 🤩,
You're everything I could ever ask for. You're also everything I could never ask for. You're the one I love the most, more than family, more than everyone. Someday I want to make you part of the family. . .
 

Cyand

¡Ándale! ¡Ándale!
dear _,
I’m a proud mum of my gecko and she has moved once... she’s asleep...​
 

Rintea

EN Sentinel & Fashion Squad Director
Sentinel
Fashion Squad
_,
ur funny if u think ima change jus for u. i'm happy with who i am & i'm not changing myself for u or for anybody else.
 
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