today starts the day that i get over you,
no matter the struggle or the mental harm it may cause to let go of you and what we had
it's over and i need to grow up and accept that
i need to be the person people want me to be
and that's final, so future me, if you even dare think about her, i hope you know what you're doing.
it's time to move on and help yourself, instead of sitting there waiting for her to come back.
she isn't coming back, she's done with you, so be done with her.
there's more fish in the sea, sweetheart, and it's time you realised that.
i'm sorry for what i've held myself to, because i didn't deserve it.
i deserve better than what i tell myself and that's my fault, i'm sorry to my mental health
for making myself ponder upon a girl for hours a day. i have people,
my people, and i love them so fucking much.
even the ones who annoy the shit out of me sometimes, i couldn't be more grateful for my friends.
i'm going to concentrate on school, and concentrate on being happy without her.
this is the last time i'll talk about her here, and i hope she leaves conversations everywhere for me.
she was amazing, and to me, the only option, but it's time to change that because i've turned away fucking amazingly supportive and beautiful inside-out people for her, and i know she wouldn't do the same for me now.
so i guess to everyone i've cut off or rejected, i'm sorry. you didn't deserve to be treated the way you were and i'm here to build bridges and get over my own issues. i need to move on, and it's going to happen.
and to S, i love you a lot. today was patchy but god damn i'm lucky to have you with me every step of the way.
dyeing my hair tomorrow feels like a way to get rid of the old me which is the main reason i'm getting it done, it's not for other people or my insecurities, it's for me to feel happy, truly happy again, and i can't wait.
this was meant to be small, but it wasn't.
I love my friends, heres to a late new year new me.