I miss you so much it hurts.
Why did you have to leave me?
I can't bring up the courage to say hello when you come to see your little sister.
When I even just think about you I break down inside.
I'm not who you think I am.
Do I love you?
...Do you even think about me?
...Do you know I even exist?
dear, I'm so sorry I'm sorry it seemed like I was playing with your feelings all I wanted was for you to not be hurt and look what fucking happened i messed up, again but no one expects any more from me.
I sometimes wish you’d come running back to me;
begging me to come back to you two.
So I can just flat-out reject to your puny little faces.
I wish I could just not do anything
and be online all day.
Being with the people who I treasure most.
Not focusing online.
I don’t care if the outcomes of this are bad.
If the outcomes are complete shit.
I just want to be with the people who make me feel like someone.
Even if I actually don’t know them.
I now know why you have so many best friends.
I was always wondering before.
You’re an amazing friend.
Unlike no other.
You help people feel better.
You care about your and your friend’s feelings.
You taught me what it is
and to be
a true and real friend.
Why do I feel this way? At times i'm happy, the next i'm upset, and I don't know why either, but it's really getting annoying. At times I just want to give up but I want to continue being there for my friends and make sure I am a good friend to them, but it feels like it never works, it feels like people are getting tired of me and that sooner or later people will start finding better people, which is what i'm fine with, I want them to make new friends and continue forward, but it still hurts knowing that could happen.. why do I feel so alone and helpless, I try to stay happy for my friends so they are happy too and try to help them through everything but.. I don't know.. it just hurts everday and it just feels like everything is failing and soon nothing I do will work.. something bad will happen and soon... I just hope it's not as bad as what my gut is telling me...
dear x ,
what the fuck. you're immaturity level is absolutely disgusting. you feel the need to mess with everyone because you're unhappy. I tried being your friend, I really did, but you pushed me away one too many times. even the good things can't level out the bad at this point. yeah you're beautiful, popular, and friends with the people who pull the strings, but honestly I'm sick of this shit. I hate how you can be a bitch, but if I be one, I'm called out for it. disgusting. sometimes I wonder what kind of shit you would've had to go through to be this much of a bitch. I actually notice the little things you've done, unfollowing me, acting like we've never met, being rude to my friends and myself. I try not to be mean, but at this point, how the fuck can I not? you actually really hurt me. a lot. but everything comes back down on me. hope you wake up one day and notice how much you messed up
i know that i pushed you away its just that i love you, and when i realized you didnt love me i didnt understand why i put up with all of your shite.
i hope you can understand that when i love someone as much as i love you, its not my fault that i stopped. stop yelling at me. it really hurts.
its okay if you dont understand. i cant be honest with you but i have a lot to say and i never say it. listen to me.
and its not cool when you walk away from me with out looking back. i just cant do anything about it.
Dear-(irl not the same person)
how dare you... she was my best friend, and i liked you. i liked her. when you did what you did it really really hurt me. i didnt say anything because your sad, and it would probably really hurt you in ways i dont want to think about, but i dont understand why you did this to me. you said you would never choose. i really hate everything and myself because you said i wasnt good enough. you still smile when you see me. i dont. thanks a lot.
AND THE LAST ONE I SWEAR
dear- (again irl not the same people)
i like your music taste. your hot. have a good life with your Irish boyfriend. ill always be there for you.
I want to help, and I'm trying to help. But my own problems interfere. I push my own problems aside, wishing there gone, wishing I never had them. I'll try my best to help, but I don't know how long I can last.
Well, I have absolutely no idea what to begin with.
Ever since this happened, I just can't really feel the old myself. Everything I could feel, in one moment just like this, dissapeared. This was the first night I've ever cried. Cried over what just happened, coming back to what we did together in the past. Crying over all the photos of us both. And I feel so tired now, like a zombie.
When I woke up, I checked my phone, looking for anything that might make me smile in the morning, like you always did. But there wasn't. I just got swarmed with DMs from players needing something from me in the game. Just like everyday. But without you, it's.. It's just feeling as if I'm treated like a machine.
Because of what happened, I just don't feel human anymore. All I have in my mind is the "081 - The Ending" I was listening to the day before all this. That song name though. Ironic, huh.
I also want to let you know. I'm really sorry if I didn't meet your expectations. I just want to tell you I did my best so I could make that one text, saying that I care about you, regardless of what is happening here with me. And you already know how tough is in my place.
That's so impressive. For over 8 months, you used to make me smile everytime I saw you texting me. Now, just thinking about you or anything related to makes me sad, losing all the positive aura I have accumulated for the rest of the day. I've just become a depressive piece of damn. I still care though. I still.. And I don't know why.
Dear x (irl),
Why were you even placed in the yearbook when you almost never even attended? All that was shown was a blank image and the quote 'Good bye and good luck', one of the defaults the school added to students who didn't add in their comments. You're a forgotten face to me, having to see it again makes me so agitated about my past mistake.
A few person,
Tell me.What is the problem?Why don't your critics keep silent every day?I have always been loyal to criticism.But criticism and breaking words are different things.You made breaking words.You all did!-A few person-But I made a decision.Sometimes I have places I can't will do but I will!Do you know what I understood when I left that girl?No matter how much she/he have in your life,no one who harms you isn't indispensable anymore.If you want, you say 'I can't will do without it.'But no!You just need a little bit of brave to get out of every person that damages you.Now get ready to get out of the walls.
-The message isn't about everyone in my life.-
Dear _, irl
I know you’re so stressed and angry,
But you need to let things flow out of your head, just scream, hit your pillow, trust me you’ll be okay. Don’t overthink things so fast now, I know you’re a happy person. Show me how happy you’re.