Dear _
I've been thinking about things the last two months, and honestly? Thank you. Y'know, for things you've done since November 2016. Yeah, this sounds like a taunt, I get it, but I've only just come to terms with practically everything. So I wanted to be mature and thank you instead of what I wanted to do about 2-3 weeks ago; the usual teenage angst stuff with backshitting and everything. So;
>Thanks for making me realise that you're not exactly my type. Not to say I never felt anything for you, I did - quite heavily, in fact -, but yeah. I'm the "fluffy" romantic type, the one who usually says "I love you" about every 10 minutes and who really loves the little things that others might deem... I don't know, worthless? I don't know, man. But yeah.
>Thanks for the memories and the experience. Now I know what I do and don't like and such else. The memories are fun to look back at while I'm bored and the experience is good to learn from - especially the bad events. I.e. trying with the same person about 8 times wasn't the best idea ever.
>Thanks for your support. Yeah, I didn't remember what you did at the time of the fight, but I know you supported me when shit went down in 2016, and it helped. Really. I can't say that I remember much support in the last few months, considering most of them were in absence, but yeah. Thanks, for that.
Yet I have a couple of issues I wanted to raise for a while. I remember, in that fight, that you thought I treated you differently because you were a mod or an Admin or whatever it was you said. Honestly? That hurt, because I know, I know, I'm not like that. I don't love people, chose people, treat them differently because of their rank in a game because that's just sick. I might as well have gone for Fours or another ex-coadmin if I was like that. But I didn't, because I'm not like that. I treated you differently because you were different. I didn't trust anyone at that time, and I treated you differently because you seemed like the kind of person I could trust back then.
I also wanted to raise that I'm not writing this to get you back. That'll just be a waste of my time, won't it? I'm writing this because I needed to rant about it, and I couldn't talk to anyone about it so I came here. I'm not sure if I even want you back. I probably don't, to be honest. But again, this isn't to get you back. I just wanted to raise things.
Last thing I want to raise is that leaving people behind, unless the situation is really serious, isn't really okay. I'm sorry, but it isn't. I get you're trying to protect yourself and stuff, but still. I can't trust anyone because of what you did? I'm not guilt tripping you in saying this before you start on that bullshit again, I just thought I'd let you know so you can think about it in the future. I invested every little bit of trust I had in you and you kinda threw it away like it was meaningless, or like it didn't deserve a second thought. Because of that, my trust for everyone is falling apart. I look at everyone and think, "Damn, when are they going to leave?". So, I kinda guess I wanna thank you for that, because everyone I'm going to meet I won't be able to trust like I used to. Then again, it made me grow up in a way. Made me realise that the people I thought would always love me, always be there and never do shit to hurt me will end up doing so anyway, intentional or not.
So cheers, man. It helped in some good ways and some really cruel ways.
[EDIT]: Also, I guess we were never going to really work, anyway. We both fell into rebound, both just recently broken off with someone when it all began. So yeah, that's that.
Anyway, bye.