dear nobody in particular.
i have honestly just given up.
i just don’t have the energy to do anything anymore.
im either hurting all the time, or just can’t feel anything at all.
im slowly becoming confined to my own bed.
slowly, very slowly detaching from my phone. slowly being detached from life itself.
until i just get up one day and end it all.
i feel as if nobody should feel the need to care about me anymore.
it even hurts to see people care because i know what’s going to become of me very soon. i know what’s going to happen.
but i’ve just stopped caring.
i don’t even care about how people would feel if they figured out that i ended my own life.
i’m so selfish.
i don’t want to hurt anyone, though. i just want to end everything. that’s all i want. to disappear. things just would be better for me if i just vanished off the face of the earth entirely.
why would you go out of your way to fix something that can’t even be fixed?
let me think of some sort of metaphor.
lets say you have a new toy.
lets say it is very fragile.
lets say, one day, it breaks.
do you just tape it back together and watch it fall apart, or do you replace it with something new?
you’ll forget about the toy in the next few years anyway.
i don’t even understand why people still talk to me.
it really hurts to laugh with them, knowing soon that they’d never be able to laugh with me again.
but maybe they don’t know it will be the last.
question: do you really think a suicide helpline would save me?
i don’t know.
why would you want me to live anyways?
all of you have watched me slowly fall apart over the past year.
why do you want me alive, to watch me cry myself to sleep at night? to watch me suffer?
i’m sorry.
please don’t reach out to me about this.
i hate feeling the tears stream down my face all of the fucking time.