I wanted to say sorry to my bestfriend.
I don’t know what i could say that could possibly heal you, from the pain i’m putting on you. I can’t even text you without the memories coming back. The memories of me hurting you. You say that you’re okay and everytime i ask you if you’re okay, you scrabble on anything that seems slightly unsettling or sad. And i apologize for that, for making you feel that way. You’re growing, I’m growing, we’ll still be growing even when we’re 50. I know you’ve always seen a future with me, you’ve said it. I’ve tried and tried, but i can’t even see past 3 months. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for holding onto something that isn’t important- for holding onto the past. When I talk to you, i can’t help but see the bad memories that i did to you and that you did to me. I don’t want to, I love you so much more than that. If i didn’t, i wouldn’t be here anymore. I wouldn’t be like this. I also thank you. Thank you for trusting me with your heart, for the time we spent together. I don’t know how you’re doing but i think it’s the best for both of us right now. I don’t want to put you into a endless hole of heartbreak. I’m not here to hurt you. I’m here to heal you. I’m nothing more than a lesson and I kill myself everynight for nothing being a permanent person in your life. You’re beautiful inside and out, and I love you to bits. I don’t even know myself, to be completely honest with you. I still think about you everyday nonstop. I believed you were the one. I still do. You are the one for me but, i am not the one for you. I still have the pictures of you on my phone and I can’t bring myself to look at them. It hurts a lot, you know?
(wip :/)