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  • ok so my friend irl Eric gave me some advice about guys and every time I try to speak from my heart my mind ends up screwing it up, honestly I don't think he know what he is talking about, but he has had more then one girl so I'm not sure what I'm doing anymore, some people aren't meant for love but I have to admit I do feel lonely sometimes for all of the years putting up with being kicked in the stomach.. heh he was pretty mad when I never told him about getting bullied, he is more like a brother then anything else, he is the only person I really trust.. even more then my grandma.. but even those things I don't tell him, I'm just happy to know the person I haven't talked to in 3 years still has my back through everything even after everything that ha happened
    I'm gonna break down soon,
    in the same old room,
    that I always do,
    I feel so alone,
    make some beats and smoke,
    pray I make it soon,
    pray they buy my shit cause I'm so damn broke,
    I'm so damn cold,
    I might freeze to death,
    rollin up some dope, smoking trees for stress,
    fuck the life I had I don't want it back,
    fuck the friends I had they just made me sad,
    now its me and her bout to fuck the world,
    we don't need no help we came up from dirt,
    I still hate myself that's the side of me,
    wanna kill myself ive tried I'm so damn weak,
    mom would drive me in every time I did,
    I would ask to leave but they game me pills,
    put that shit on repeat every other week,
    they would numb me down until I couldn't speak
    lay me down,
    I don't wanna die,
    I can't sleep alone,
    need u here tonight,
    you were everything,
    you were my god damn life,
    now its all fucked up,
    and I won't sleep tonight,
    I was snorting pills,
    you were up all night,
    I swear I couldn't feel,
    I was so damn high,
    liquor in my blood,
    you were all I want,
    I gave you everything,
    I feel so unloved,
    you finally got exactly what you want,
    you were off getting fucked and I was so fucked up,
    fuck the wedding ring fuck this life I lead,
    got me feeling numb doing bumps off keys,
    I don't wanna live,
    tried to kill myself,
    girl i'll numb you too,
    take your life as well,
    I wanna watch you bleed,
    she gets numb for me,
    let's kill ourselves,
    so I can sleep.
    I may be kind,
    I may beg you not to leave,
    I may be weak,
    I may not know when to give up,
    but these things make me who I am,
    I'm proud of who I am from years of bullying,
    I don't want to bow down like I did then,
    I want to go out there and be the person I never thought I could be,
    I want to make myself proud and know I tried everything to make what my wishes are to come true,
    I speak this from my mind, heart, and soul,
    The only person I ever learned to care about is me, myself and I,
    I do not wish to think I am the worthless kid I once was,
    I love myself because I went through everything and I'm still standing,
    People say only the strong survive,
    16 years I survived the torture, bullying, the yelling, my parents not giving a crap, and more,
    I love myself and I don't care if people try to tear me down,
    because I will get back up and keep trying,
    That's just who I am, and I'm proud.
    In grade five they taped a sign to the front of her desk that read "beware of the dog",
    To this day despite a loving husband, she doesn't think she's beautiful,
    Because of a birthmark that takes up a little less than half of her face,
    Kids used to say she looks like a wrong answer that someone tried to erase but couldn't quite get the job done,
    And they will NEVER understand that she's raising two kids who's DEFINITION of beauty begins with the word MOM,
    Because they see her heart before they see her skin, because she's only ever ALWAYS been amazing.

    To this day lyrics
    Am I not good enough
    Is it because I'm childish
    Is it because I try to hard
    Is it because I care about others
    That I'm not on much
    Why can't I keep anyone
    They say they love me but they leave
    Why do they leave
    Can I not do anything right?
    Am I worthless?
    Why does everyone hate me
    Why do people leave
    Am I doing something wrong?
    Do I not do good enough?
    Am I to clingy?
    What do I do to make everyone leave my side
    All I want is to be loved like everyone else
    Why is that so hard to ask...
    It's not hard to ask. You are definitly not worthless. Just humans suck and are fucking assholes. Even me. I have done things I regret with all my soul.
    I wished I never looked
    I wish I never touched
    I wish I could stop loving you so much
    I wish you weren't the best
    The best I ever had
    I wish the good outweighed the bad
    Cause it'll never be over
    Until you tell me it's over
    Battle scars - Lupe Fiasco
    In this world you don't know who you can trust, your friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, even your friend.. could do something that you wouldn't think could happen, I'm not saying I'm mad about it, if it is what they want then I will be happy for them.. even if I'm not part of their happy life, even if they hate me.. I will always love them for who they are, bi, gay, trans, les, it doesn't matter, if they are happy with someone else then.. there is no use to get upset about it.. as long as you see them happy
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