Ok welp, I'm pissed, very pissed, leave me alone because I'm done with you. This was the last straw. You made a day that was supposed to make us both happy and you made it all about how miserable you are, EVEN the days leading up to it. I've tried to explain, I've tried to be positive, I've tried to be supportive but there is always something more want from me. Yes I do peek around here sometimes but it's barely for more than 3 minutes max, I also peek at my email but that goes unnoticed. I'm so tired of giving you chance after chance after chance, then you telling me sorry and asking me for '' one last'' chance. I'm tired of seeing your friends harass me when I get fed up. Accusing me of something and then saying '' I'm not guilt tripping'' at the end doesn't make it any better. I've been extremely understanding and forgiving with you, you've taken advantage of this so many times. It needs to stop, right now.
I feel really idiotic for one day be jealous of your friendship with x, I felt that way because I was very afraid of losing you, that you would replace me, but it's too late, you already did it, I will not say it does not hurt, because it does, just no It is as much as it used to be. Sometimes I want to approach you, but it is very difficult, because I am a stupid girl, a girl who appreciates my friends, I should not do that because they hurt me when they run away or get someone better.
dear g, (irl)
i don't get what you see in me,
like, at all
why do you like me?
i'm just an extremely fucked up 13 year old who doesn't fit in with anyone else.
i'm not as pretty as the other girls. yeah, fucking generic, no? but have you seen them? gorgeous. even A thinks they all look better than me.
i don't do well in my classes. come on, you saw the grade i got on one of my math tests today. an 8.5/20. not even a 50%.
yet you still find a way to love me.
you know, i don't want to be with you
i don't get why you even think twice about someone like me.
i'd rather you just forget about me like everyone else has. maybe you wouldn't get hurt that way.
I lost your friendship, it was stupid, but you do not know how bad I felt thinking that she is better than me, you may be right, but you know that you will not find someone like me because each person is different, I was the most important thing for you, but I do not know how you came to hate me so suddenly. It hurts me to see that you are indifferent to me, but I have to accept that this friendship is over, do you remember Oriicarp? She was also your best friend, we three were best friends until a third person ruined everything and you prefer to stay with her, but do what you want, we both get tired and all we have to do is say goodbye.
You said you were sorry, but you made absolutely no effort to show me that was true. If you're really sorry, I want you to do something about it. The fact I have to listen and do what you want does not change how I feel. You've manipulated, hurt, and angered me so many times. What's wrong with you? You were supposed to protect me. You were supposed to protect him. But instead, you yell at him for the tiniest thing. He's only seven. Do you know what that does to a child? Haven't you learned? It scars them. Socially manipulating someone is not normal. It hurts a person beyond words. And then you have to guts to insult me? Look in the mirror. I'm not going to deal with any of your shit again. I have to go and look up to you, but I have nothing to look up to. I've learned to talk behind your back, call you names in the shower, and even glare at you when you're not looking. I hate holding grudges, and I hate dwelling on the past. I really have tried to move on. I thought I did, but then you just go and prove me wrong. I really don't like the fact that I can't actually manage to love you like I used to. I swear, I had that child-like trust in you, but now, it's nothing more than anger and hurt. I really, really don't understand you. You take out all of your anger, all of your sadness, all of your problems- you take them all out on your family and who loves you most. It scars a child. Do you not know that? Then you apologize, but you never mean it. If you're really sorry, do something about it, then we'll talk. Capeesh?